Unconditional Love

My mom tells me that for the first time in her life she really understands love, and knows that God loves her unconditionally. She hopes that someday I will understand what it means to truly love.

From what I understand true love (agape love) is unconditional. This entry from The Love Dare is sobering.

“If someone were to ask you, “Why do you love your wife?” or “Why do you love you husband?” ---what would you say?

Most men would mention their wife’s beauty, her sense of humor, her kindness, her inner strength. They might talk about her cooking, her knack for decorating, or what a good mother she is.

Women would probably say something about their husband’s good looks or his personality. They’d commend him for his steadiness and consistent character. They’d say they love him because he’s always there for them. He’s generous. He’s helpful.

But what if over the course of years, your wife or husband stopped being every one of these things. Would you still love them? Based on your answer above, the only logical response would be “no”. If your reasons for loving your spouse all have something to do with his or her qualities—and then those same qualities suddenly or gradually disappear—your basis for love is over.

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love…. Phileo and eros are more responsive in nature and can fluctuate based upon feelings. Agape love, on the other hand, is selfless and unconditional. So unless this kind of love forms the foundation of your marriage, the wear and tear of time will destroy it. Agape love is “in sickness and health” love, “for richer and poorer” love, “for better or worse” love. It is the only kind of love that is true love.

That’s because this is God’s kind of love. He does not love us because we are lovable but because He is so loving. The Bible says, “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for out sins” (I John 4:10).”

Although I don’t presume to judge what is in another man’s heart, I say that from how I’ve seen her love behave, I hope I never understand her kind of “true love”. I would much prefer to love my husband, not because, but love him period. This also means that I must also love my mom unconditionally--not accept her actions unconditionally, just love her. Please pray today that I can learn to do that with my whole heart until she knows that I love her, not her sin, just her.

A Higher Place

First things first today. I want to say Thank YOU to God for Darlene Schwartzman who's no-nonsensesical (yes, that's Dr. Suess for no-nonsense) advice and understanding helped me make it through yesterday. They are few people who can tell the truth in such a clear manner left in these United States. Blessings on you.

Thanks be to God for my husband, my love and my earthly protection. Remember, it was the women who was deceived, not the man. I pray I will always put great stock in his God given wisdom.

In this journey, there is always one person in this world who completely understands how I feel and in fact feels just the same. I feel blessed to have a sister in this time and especially Ashley who is usually very clear of mind. She reminds me of things that I had forgotten and speaks the truth plainly.

There are a handful of other people who have been my support as well, Jean Millheim, Debbie Chambers, Emily Reeves and Val Carpenter. Also the ladies in my Bible study group who listen to my struggles and pray for our family. Thank you for your listening ear.

Each day and with each painful discussion God is giving me a little more pity and compassion for my mom. I don't mean to appear "better than" or "lofty", I really feel small and insignificant. Her insecurities are nearly crippling and she's in a pain of her own that I don't understand. God is showing me His hurting, wounded daughter, for whatever reason~she's wounded and He still loves her. I see a great deal of deception in her thinking and the need to cover her in prayer is a vital. So dear friends, PRAY today! Hold your family while you still have them, for tomorrow they may be lost to you in a way you never anticipated.

Numb and Other Scattered Thoughts

“Sometimes we even lose the freedom to express this feeling of loss.”…which in turn produces a numb feeling. If I happened to let my feelings slip then I’m “bad” for feeling or I just don’t understand what she went through. It hurts to be forced to hide my hurts but fighting produces no fruit.

What day do we look forward to most in the year? All our lives, the day that is ours! For the first time in 26 years my birthday is more painful than fun because the two people who should care the most didn’t love me enough to stay together- to be here together to celebrate it with me. Okay, so I know that’s not totally true and it’s a selfish outlook but it’s a thought that invades at my weakest moments.

Insanity: when microscopic crumbs become larger than elephants ~Kayla Howard
Close the cabinet doors, straighten the napkins, magazines in perfect order, no, no, no, please no fog…NO, NO, DON’T TAKE THE SUNSHINE FROM ME!!!! I think it’s just the effort to control something in my life but there are these weird little things that won’t leave me alone.

I’m not sure that I have an answer to my happiness questions, or at least I don’t have one that is researched in the scriptures. My gut instinct says this: God wants us to be happy loving Him more than anything. If we could really understand and know God, I think it would be almost impossible to love anything else. If we could really grasp the abbreviated life we live here, worldly happiness wouldn’t matter. Above all I desire a meek and quiet spirit that blesses those around me. Starting with my children and my husband, may my life be poured out as an offering of love and a balm of God’s peace.

Small Talk

Fine, oh, good, nice, yes, no. How did our relationship become reduced to this? Who is the person in my wise mother's body? I used to go to her for advice, with my most painful struggles. Her life, her morals have changed so radically that I no longer even have that option. I cannot even trust her to tell the truth...whether intentionally or unintentionally; either way is alarming!

Where are you? Who took you?

The Pie Server

It's nothing special as far as value goes. It's not silver, or antique, or even a popular brand. It's just a regular old pie server. But, it was my mom's and she's had it as long as I can remember. It came home with a pie I made for our family potluck's last summer and I kept thinking I should return it...I've decided not to. Last night as I used it to remove warm cookies from my cookie sheet it brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. It reminds me of my life with my parents when they were happy. I see a happy secure home where honor was taught and vows were kept. I can remember my mom when she was "soft" and the hardness wasn't in her face. One of my new treasures.

I think it's fairly obvious that faith was important in our home and now in my own home. My parents certainly influenced how I view God today. Last night John and I were discussing angels and giants among many other things. During the conversation I began telling him how I had wondered, when did God become not enough? My mom should have been able to be happy no matter how she viewed my dad and my dad should be able to be happy without her. When was God not enough which made her leave? When was God not enough which made my dad find someone new? This was beginning to make me angry! Then I picked up one of my favorite books on marriage, "Created to be His Helpmeet " by Debbie Pearl. "It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a companion who will help him"...."He who finds a wife finds a good thing". Hmmm, it's actually very rare that a man should be alone, God even said it wasn't good. Maybe my dad can't be alone for that reason? Maybe, maybe not...I am not skilled to understand.

For now, I will treasure my pie server, my kids, my wonderful husband and give thanks to God for each breath He gives me.

The Refiner's Fire

This Christmas week has really brought out my sense of loss. Loss of a Christmas with my parentS~ What a pain in the butt! My sister had to have 4 Christmases because things are broken on BOTH sides. Now, loss of my dad to somebody I don’t know and my mom to another person I don’t know and don’t want to be part of my family. Nice enough people, just not my family. My kids have lost grandparents to new love interests. Loss…

Forgiveness means refusing to continue to bear a grudge against another person.

The Refiner's Fire

This is for anyone passing through tough times.

There was a group of women in a Bible study on the book of Malachi. As they were studying chapter three, they came across verse three, which says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver. "

This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study. That week, this woman called up a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work.

She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest, so as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot -- then she thought again about the verse that says, "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he also had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, how do you know when the silver is fully refined?

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

Question

Does God want us to be happy? Bottom line, end of the day, is HE most concerned with our wordly happiness? I'll have more thoughts on this but will leave you with that question for now.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Eph. 4.32